Open the eyes of my heart...
So, it's been a week since I've written a blog. And quite frankly, I must admit that I miss it. Yeah, my friend (let's call her Lee) has gotten me addicted and right now I feel obliged to write one of these for that faithful reader out there. You know who you are.
This week has been an interesting one. It's so funny how one moment you can be all happy with the world and the next you can just be all confused, angry, and frustrated. I've been trying to figure out my emotions in all aspects of my life. It's not my time of the month, so I know that's not a possibility. I've been blaming it on the sudden change in weather, but I think there's more to it than that.
I have heard some quite interesting remarks from various individuals this week in regards to their perceptions of me. One in particular that I never even thought about was what my friend told me one night, "Miss Analyzation, you're a lot like the King James Version Bible-no matter how intriguing it may be, it is a very hard read, just like yourself." I probably did not quote this accurately, but it was something of that essence. Anyway, I never thought about how other people view me in regards to the way I think. I mean, I've never put myself in other people's shoes to see how they might perceive me; I know that's selfish. Such a simile (wow, I'm using English grammar vocabulary from way back in the day) comparing me to the Book of Life really hits home and makes me want to open up a bit to allow people to see my true colors shine through. And I thought that was going to be my only epiphany for the week...
So, last night was the first time where I've actually had a three hour telephone conversation until 3:00 in the morning with someone and not be totally agitated or bored because of the time or the subject matter being discussed. So, my best guy friend calls me up very upset about a situation that is tugging at his spirit. Let's call this friend Eugene; "that's Eugene with an E." Now, I'm used to Eugene consistently calling me to talk about his personal issues because he considers me to be a close friend. But, I was not expecting the conversation to take the shift that it did. He began talking about himself, then all of a sudden his tone changes and the subject focus begins to be about me. Let's take a couple of steps back for a second...
I have always prayed for God to tell me what He wants of me while I inhabit this earth. I pray, then I continue to live my life. I now realize that I always ask God to show me things, but do I ever really allow myself to be receptive to what He may be trying to tell me? I am now aware that I am so caught up in my comfort that by even the slightest glimpse of discomfort, I clam up. It just seems natural for me.
And this is what Eugene brought to my attention. He said that he sees that I have a genuinely sweet spirit and that although I may get on his nerves many a times, there is something about my spirit that he cannot help but to be attracted to my spirit. I must say that this coming from his mouth truly warmed my spirit because I am so accustomed to people confusing my personality. Because in all honesty, I have a sincere love for people. I really can't explain that, but I do. And this makes me think even more. Eugene then proceeded to say that he feels that God has a plan for my life in which I'm going to be dealing with people because He has equipped me with certain gifts. I too agree with this statement. It makes no sense for me to have the qualities that I have for nothing. God is going to use them; in what way, I still don't know.
Then what really got me was when Eugene told me that my problem is that I am so caught up on maintaining 'the face' rather than being real. I mean, he sat there through the phone, opened his bible and read a passage of scripture as I read along with him. In essence, the scripture illustrated that a woman was considered truly blessed when she humbled herself before the Lord to the point where her comfort was not the issue, but rather glofifying God was her goal. And this is when God spoke to her and blessed her abundantly. After that, Eugene told me God has a habit of speaking to people in ways that they are not accustomed to; I began to think about the various stories in the Bible that verify this thought and I too agreed. And then I thought about my life over the past year and the many situations that were 'odd' in my eyes, but ended up being something that benefitted my soul and I then began to realize that I'm thinking about everything in the wrong way.
Just because something, someone, or anything does not fit into your standard, does not mean that it's not what you're supposed to have at that moment. Your standards for your life are not God's standards for you. This is confirmed in Isaiah 55:8~ "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.
"You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth?"~(Galatians 5:7) God wants obedience from us. That's all He asks. And yet we make it so difficult for ourselves and start pointing fingers. Am I really ready to hear what God is trying to tell me as much as I say I am ready? Because clearly, I know He's trying to get my attention. In response to the question posed in the previous scripture, I'm afraid that I alone am the one actually preventing myself from successfully completing the purpose that God has for me. God is probably standing right there with the answer, and I'm so stuck on nonsense that I won't even allow myself to hear from Him. How sad is that?
Lord, I thank you for Your patience when dealing with me and I just take this moment to ask that You open the eyes of my heart so I can earnestly receive what you have in store for me...
This week has been an interesting one. It's so funny how one moment you can be all happy with the world and the next you can just be all confused, angry, and frustrated. I've been trying to figure out my emotions in all aspects of my life. It's not my time of the month, so I know that's not a possibility. I've been blaming it on the sudden change in weather, but I think there's more to it than that.
I have heard some quite interesting remarks from various individuals this week in regards to their perceptions of me. One in particular that I never even thought about was what my friend told me one night, "Miss Analyzation, you're a lot like the King James Version Bible-no matter how intriguing it may be, it is a very hard read, just like yourself." I probably did not quote this accurately, but it was something of that essence. Anyway, I never thought about how other people view me in regards to the way I think. I mean, I've never put myself in other people's shoes to see how they might perceive me; I know that's selfish. Such a simile (wow, I'm using English grammar vocabulary from way back in the day) comparing me to the Book of Life really hits home and makes me want to open up a bit to allow people to see my true colors shine through. And I thought that was going to be my only epiphany for the week...
So, last night was the first time where I've actually had a three hour telephone conversation until 3:00 in the morning with someone and not be totally agitated or bored because of the time or the subject matter being discussed. So, my best guy friend calls me up very upset about a situation that is tugging at his spirit. Let's call this friend Eugene; "that's Eugene with an E." Now, I'm used to Eugene consistently calling me to talk about his personal issues because he considers me to be a close friend. But, I was not expecting the conversation to take the shift that it did. He began talking about himself, then all of a sudden his tone changes and the subject focus begins to be about me. Let's take a couple of steps back for a second...
I have always prayed for God to tell me what He wants of me while I inhabit this earth. I pray, then I continue to live my life. I now realize that I always ask God to show me things, but do I ever really allow myself to be receptive to what He may be trying to tell me? I am now aware that I am so caught up in my comfort that by even the slightest glimpse of discomfort, I clam up. It just seems natural for me.
And this is what Eugene brought to my attention. He said that he sees that I have a genuinely sweet spirit and that although I may get on his nerves many a times, there is something about my spirit that he cannot help but to be attracted to my spirit. I must say that this coming from his mouth truly warmed my spirit because I am so accustomed to people confusing my personality. Because in all honesty, I have a sincere love for people. I really can't explain that, but I do. And this makes me think even more. Eugene then proceeded to say that he feels that God has a plan for my life in which I'm going to be dealing with people because He has equipped me with certain gifts. I too agree with this statement. It makes no sense for me to have the qualities that I have for nothing. God is going to use them; in what way, I still don't know.
Then what really got me was when Eugene told me that my problem is that I am so caught up on maintaining 'the face' rather than being real. I mean, he sat there through the phone, opened his bible and read a passage of scripture as I read along with him. In essence, the scripture illustrated that a woman was considered truly blessed when she humbled herself before the Lord to the point where her comfort was not the issue, but rather glofifying God was her goal. And this is when God spoke to her and blessed her abundantly. After that, Eugene told me God has a habit of speaking to people in ways that they are not accustomed to; I began to think about the various stories in the Bible that verify this thought and I too agreed. And then I thought about my life over the past year and the many situations that were 'odd' in my eyes, but ended up being something that benefitted my soul and I then began to realize that I'm thinking about everything in the wrong way.
Just because something, someone, or anything does not fit into your standard, does not mean that it's not what you're supposed to have at that moment. Your standards for your life are not God's standards for you. This is confirmed in Isaiah 55:8~ "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.
"You were running a good race. Who cut in on you and kept you from obeying the truth?"~(Galatians 5:7) God wants obedience from us. That's all He asks. And yet we make it so difficult for ourselves and start pointing fingers. Am I really ready to hear what God is trying to tell me as much as I say I am ready? Because clearly, I know He's trying to get my attention. In response to the question posed in the previous scripture, I'm afraid that I alone am the one actually preventing myself from successfully completing the purpose that God has for me. God is probably standing right there with the answer, and I'm so stuck on nonsense that I won't even allow myself to hear from Him. How sad is that?
Lord, I thank you for Your patience when dealing with me and I just take this moment to ask that You open the eyes of my heart so I can earnestly receive what you have in store for me...
posted by W8ingPatiently at 2:46 AM
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