Trial of Faith...
"I myself have for twenty-nine years been waiting for an answer to prayer concerning a certain spiritual blessing. Day by day have I been enabled to continue in prayer for this blessing. At home and abroad, in this country and in foreign lands, in health and in sickness, however much occupied, I have been enabled, day by day, by God's help, to bring this matter before Him; and still I have not the full answer yet. Nevertheless, I look for it. I expect it confidently. The very fact that day after day, and year after year, for twenty-nine years, the Lord has enabled me to continue, patiently, believingly, to wait on Him for the blessing, still further encourages me to wait on; and so fully am I assured that God hears me about this matter, that I have often been enabled to praise Him beforehand for the full answer, which I shall ultimately receive to my prayers on this subject. Thus, you see, dear reader, that while I have hundreds, yes, thousands of answers, year by year, I have also, like yourself and other believers, the trial of faith concerning certain matters." ~George Mueller
These words are so fitting right now. Right now, I feel fine. Ask me how I feel in a couple of seconds when I catch about 3 tears fall in my lap, then become angry with myself.
No phone call yet. It's so funny to be waiting for a phone call from someone when you know they're about to say, "I don't want you." And it's so funny to feel upset when you know the reasoning behind them not wanting you is completely ludicrous. It's hilarious (yes, hilarious) to actually be upset about something so trivial. I mean, I could be in a completely situation where I truly compromised myself to the point of not being able to look at myself in the mirror. But, thank God that that's not the issue. So, what is???
I just feel that God is mocking me. 21 years; almost 22 now, and I have never had someone to call my own. I've had potential candidates to fulfill the companion role, but that's as far as it goes (potential, not the product) when they find out that I won't be giving up my cookies; I will be gladly giving my cookies as a gift to that special man who I will be exceedingly elated to finally claim as my husband.
I just don't get it. This society is so twisted. We commend those who have the strength enough to not conform to the societal norm, but we throw them to the side and decide to return to them once we've gotten tired of having our meaningless fun. We want perfection, but give garbage. We essentially make a mockery of relationships and then wonder why we're so messed up.
The Lord knows how I feel. He should know; I've been praying to Him about this forever. And yet, the bad seeds keep coming my way. But then I think, "Why? Why are You sending this my way, now?" And then I get this feeling that reminds me that something greater is coming and that each occurrence that I have with someone who is not up to par should be a reminder of what God has ordained for me to have. And sometimes the occurrences have nothing to do with me, but rather are used as a witness to the guy that in order for him to get the genuine 'prize' lady that he so desires, he needs to get his act together, or else she's going to walk on by and he'll lose out on his blessing.
I'm not mad at D. I'm just sad for him. I see a person who clearly wants to be right, but is so caught up. He's saying that he's been praying to God for him to reveal to him what he's looking for, since he can't seem to figure it out for himself, but then again, if he hasn't the slightest clue of what he wants, how is God going to reveal something to him if he's not expecting a revelation? He's living in the 'whatever happens, happens' mode, which has some glitches in it because if you start feeling like that, you accept anything. Although he may claim that he's a changed person, he has a lot of growing to do.
So, I'm still trying to figure out what I'll say to him if he calls, or what I'll say to him when I call him tomorrow, if he chooses not to call. And for some reason, right now I'm feeling like there is a purpose I'm supposed to fulfill with this one. I don't know what it is, but I do know that I'm not going to just totally close the door on him. I'm not a mean spirited person; it's not in my nature, so I'll just be honest and keep a loving spirit while I endure this trial of faith.
These words are so fitting right now. Right now, I feel fine. Ask me how I feel in a couple of seconds when I catch about 3 tears fall in my lap, then become angry with myself.
No phone call yet. It's so funny to be waiting for a phone call from someone when you know they're about to say, "I don't want you." And it's so funny to feel upset when you know the reasoning behind them not wanting you is completely ludicrous. It's hilarious (yes, hilarious) to actually be upset about something so trivial. I mean, I could be in a completely situation where I truly compromised myself to the point of not being able to look at myself in the mirror. But, thank God that that's not the issue. So, what is???
I just feel that God is mocking me. 21 years; almost 22 now, and I have never had someone to call my own. I've had potential candidates to fulfill the companion role, but that's as far as it goes (potential, not the product) when they find out that I won't be giving up my cookies; I will be gladly giving my cookies as a gift to that special man who I will be exceedingly elated to finally claim as my husband.
I just don't get it. This society is so twisted. We commend those who have the strength enough to not conform to the societal norm, but we throw them to the side and decide to return to them once we've gotten tired of having our meaningless fun. We want perfection, but give garbage. We essentially make a mockery of relationships and then wonder why we're so messed up.
The Lord knows how I feel. He should know; I've been praying to Him about this forever. And yet, the bad seeds keep coming my way. But then I think, "Why? Why are You sending this my way, now?" And then I get this feeling that reminds me that something greater is coming and that each occurrence that I have with someone who is not up to par should be a reminder of what God has ordained for me to have. And sometimes the occurrences have nothing to do with me, but rather are used as a witness to the guy that in order for him to get the genuine 'prize' lady that he so desires, he needs to get his act together, or else she's going to walk on by and he'll lose out on his blessing.
I'm not mad at D. I'm just sad for him. I see a person who clearly wants to be right, but is so caught up. He's saying that he's been praying to God for him to reveal to him what he's looking for, since he can't seem to figure it out for himself, but then again, if he hasn't the slightest clue of what he wants, how is God going to reveal something to him if he's not expecting a revelation? He's living in the 'whatever happens, happens' mode, which has some glitches in it because if you start feeling like that, you accept anything. Although he may claim that he's a changed person, he has a lot of growing to do.
So, I'm still trying to figure out what I'll say to him if he calls, or what I'll say to him when I call him tomorrow, if he chooses not to call. And for some reason, right now I'm feeling like there is a purpose I'm supposed to fulfill with this one. I don't know what it is, but I do know that I'm not going to just totally close the door on him. I'm not a mean spirited person; it's not in my nature, so I'll just be honest and keep a loving spirit while I endure this trial of faith.
posted by W8ingPatiently at 5:21 PM
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