No such thing as Never Never Land...

It's about time to write up another one of these. What's going on with me? Well, pretty much nothing. Just getting ready to leave the good 'ole U.S.A. for a bit. I feel like I have so much to do, but so little time. And the closer I get to the date of departure, the more nervous I get.

In one aspect, I'm ready to go, but in another aspect, I want to stay. As always, I don't like not knowing what to expect. So, I'm going into this blindly. That freaks the heck out of me.

I was intending on taking some books to read and some of my CDs, but was told by my father that I don't need to take those; I should be fully submerging myself into the culture and language. So, I'm taking nothing pertaining to the English language. The only English I will be using is for my journals. This ain't no joke!!!

What else???

Well, I've talked to W less and less for the past couple of days. And that's weird seeing that phone calls are free on weekends. Last night I had called him up because he didn't call me back like I told him to, he answered, apologized for not calling me back; we talked for about all of two minutes, and his phone acted up and hung up. I called him back (phone still acting up), no response. He called me two hours later and left a message:

"What's up Ms. (my name)? You know who this is. My phone is actin' crazy all over again. So...I just thought I'd leave you this voicemail, let you know I didn't forget your phone call, or whatever. Hey, I gotta get back on my P's & Q's anyway; I feel like I'm losing cool points, you know what I'm sayin'? Just cuz I ain't talked to you enough on the phone. So...when you get time, holla at yo' boy."

And have I called him back yet? Nah sir. Why? I don't know. What's the point, really? It's just going to make me feel helpless and hopeless; knowing that I want to see him, but can't. And I probably won't really have the opportunity to do so when I do return; that's if everything is the same, which I have a slight feeling that it won't. I know I'll call him later though and sit there in silence. You know what the silence is? You probably do. It's all fear. Yep, fear.....The one thing that has always seemed to have somewhat of a strong hold on my life.

Well, I must get to packing or something. I wish you could be there with me in that foreign land. But then again, I know it's about time for me to do something on my own for once. Too bad that I can't be like Peter Pan and live in a dream world where everything is pure bliss. I'm finally forced to deal with reality; it's time to grow up.

(NEVER NEVER LAND LYRICS)
I have a place where dreams are born,
And time is never planned.
It's not on any chart,
You must find it with your heart.
Never Never Land.

It might be miles beyond the moon,
Or right there where you stand.
Just keep an open mind,
And then suddenly you'll find
Never Never Land.

You'll have a treasure if you stay there,
More precious far than gold.
For once you have found your way there,
You can never, never grow old.

And that's my home where dreams are born,
And time is never planned.
Just think of lovely things.
And your heart will fly on wings,
Forever in Never Never Land.