Just another day...

It's been a while. But it's time to write again. The dream world is long gone, and now it's time for reality. Time to write every feeling that's within; it's so much easier to write on here rather than writing in a journal because there's always that fear that someone will pick up the journal and read it. On here, I find it easier to just write and not have to worry about censuring my emotions. I just write what I feel, press 'Publish,' then walk away.

I haven't written since I've been back because I couldn't figure out what exactly I wanted to write. Of course, I could write about how much I learned while across the ocean and the wonderful experience I had. But, that would be typical; I'll probably post some journal entries eventually of the most 'inspirational' entries I wrote while away; but not today. Today, I'll write about the 'typical' guy issues, like before. Some things never change...

Yesterday, I talked to Moore on the phone for an hour (like always, time just flies by when talking to him; and we talk the entire time which always amazes me). We talked, laughed, and joked around just like old times. And I was satisfied with every second I spent talking to him. I know it sucks, but I miss him. And the more he talks about other females and how he feels about them, the more I wish I knew if he ever felt anything for me and if there is even a chance for us to develop something in the future. Yeah, it stinks to be holding on to something when clearly it's not even on the mind of the other person. And still, I can't bring up the subject to him.

And what's going on with W? Well, we've talked on the phone everyday since I've been back. We still haven't had a long conversation; either someone calls and one of us has to get off the phone or it's so late that one of us is too tired. But when we do talk, it just seems so.....empty. It's like, I know he's attracted to me on some level, and he knows I feel the same about him. But, we continue to sit there. Yesterday, he actually talked on the phone to my mother a bit (she was standing next to me and he told me to give her the phone). He just spoke and asked how her day was and that was it. But still, I felt a little weird. Especially when my father has been drilling me up and down about him. And he made the most stereotypical comment but it turned out to be true when asking about W. This is what makes me even more apprehensive. And I told W that my dad has been asking about him, and it doesn't even seem to phase W one bit.

I'm just waiting. Waiting to see what this upcoming year holds; it's the same each year. I always say, "This year is going to be different and I'm going to experience a lot-there's going to be a lot of growing/learning." And in some aspects I do learn a lot, but in others I feel the exact same way afterwards as I did before~confused.

So yeah. That's all that is really going on him my head right now. I'm sure I'll have more to write about in a few days after I come back from a short trip with my dad; nice father/daughter bonding time. We shall see what the road conversation will consist of and how much he'll make me squirm with his inqusitive remarks. Gotta love him.

Until next time...