Anyone at the door?

So you want to hear from me, eh? Well, here goes nothing.

A few days ago, I actually got on here and wrote a blog. It was a brief one, and I wrote a poem on the spot, got to the end, and the computer shuts down...everything disappears just like that. And I, frustrated at the fact that I had spent the last hour in vain, got up from my chair, walked to my room, and went to bed. And I'm thinking to myself now, how this is a perfect analogy to many people's lives. We invest so much in something or someone, and all of a sudden things just fall apart, leaving us sitting there dumb-founded because we weren't expecting that one.

So, last week I receive this text message from a number that I don't recognize. It said: "A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ that a man must be seeking the Lord to find it." And it was so weird to receive such a message at the time I got it, because it was much needed. After I did a little texting, I found out who the person was who had sent it to me (a person I haven't talked to in a long time) and I knew that I had received that for a reason. It's about time to get back to 'The Source.'

I think it was after receiving that message that my attitude about my current status started agitating me; in all honesty I had fallen victim of just accepting whatever came my way, instead of doing some serious screening to ensure that I only get the cream of the crop. And I'm tired of doing that.

I talked to J yesterday for the longest about her predicament with her having strong feelings for a guy from the past and 'talking' to a guy who she and I both know is only temporary because he doesn't fulfill her standards; he's just convenient. And we dissected the situation and she knew what she needed to do (cut him off). So she calls me about 1/2 hour ago and tells me she talked to him last night, and as I expected, he's pretty pissed off and basically said, "You're in love with that other guy. Whatever. (click)" And I feel bad for him, but I also feel bad for girls like J because I can relate to her.

I also talked to Joseph yesterday (an athlete from the past). And we talked for over an hour. That was absolutely shocking. And he was cool. We talked about old times and laughed like two old people talking about their childhoods. And he was like, "You know we're getting married. We would be together right now, but I know I'm not where I need to be in order to be with you. I'm giving you your space to be successful and do what you need to do before coming at you any kind of way. When you're established and I'm at that point, that's when the timing will be rignt and we'll be able to be together." And I thought about that. I wasn't even upset by what he said, because he was coming at me honestly. And I respect him for that. Eventhough I don't see us ever getting married, it's nice to know that someone thinks of you in that way with some type of goal.

I did tell him that he needed to take me out on a proper date this year and has to initiate everything. He has to plan and execute. And he tells me that he has never been on a 'date' and doesn't know how to go about doing that, to which I respond that we'll learn together. And he agreed to it (eventhough he still has to follow through before I'm really impressed). But the whole thing is that there is beauty in two people who are willing to learn together. That's what a relationship should be about. So, he's going to church on Sunday (at least that's what he says) and so am I. We're supposed to share the sermon messages that we heard via telephone. And if that actually happens, man, I'd be absolutely amazed.

W is fine I suppose. I still haven't really talked to him, but I did tell J that I've cut him off, eventhough he doesn't know it. She has talked to him and has asked him when was the last time he had talked to me and he told her that he hasn't had the time to do so, which shocked J. So, that in itself lets me know that clearly, he's not even worth my time. But, I knew that already.

It's time to wake up and smell the coffee and realize that I'm not asking for the impossible. I'm asking for what is due. And I'm just fine with waiting for the proper package to show up on my doorstep.